Soul Searching
by paintmystory
Summary: Set during Where Demons Dare, this contains spoilers people! An alternate ending to Rachel's rememberings...Sorry, I can't give away too much and spoil the book!


**Auther's notes: set after Kisten's death, he only dies once. Enjoy! please r/r!**

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There's only one way to save an undead vampire's soul. And no way to preserve it. I knew that, me and Ivy both knew that, but it'll never make the choice I made easier or any less painful.

I threw myself to the floor and rolled behind the undead vamp…the uh, other undead vamp. Standing fluidly I pulled the splat gun from my vamp made boots. I raised it, levelling it coolly with the back of the vamp's head. And shot. The charm connected as Kisten had him distracted. He dropped like a stone and with wildcat fury I flung myself at the prone body, grabbing a nearby shard of shattered desk. With a scream I plunged it deep into the heart of the vampire, the force driving splinters into my palm. With a sticky ripping noise I pulled out the makeshift stake. With another cry I jammed it deep into steady pool of rising blood growing on his chest. The cold blood of the long undead flecked my face as I stabbed again and again. My anger, my irreparable rage fuelling my flexing muscles as lodged the stake into the monster that had taken my everything. Without a sound, without ever waking up, I saw the light fade from his eyes, his pupils going the distinct empty silver black of the dead undead. I continued stabbing after he had died. It just wasn't fair. The moment I ever got anything, I lost it. I'd lost Kisten; he had taken him away from me. A hand, still warm from life, swooped gracefully down and stilled my arm. Kisten wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled me up to stand in front of him. Kisten stepped over the body so he was pressed right up close to me, my body fitting against his as it always had. Making it hurt all the more. Kisten's other hand flew up to my face, cupping it and lifting my head, a slight smile tugged lopsidedly at his lips as he wiped away the blood on my face, along with the tears I hadn't known were there. I looked into the stunning blue eyes that had defined for me so much of him; they were deep, fathomless, bright and beautiful and now? Flat, emotionless, empty. I wrapped my hands in the front of his T-shirt, tugging him closer. He slid his arms around me and as I rested my forehead on his chest I breathed in his scent, deeply taking it in, grounding myself.

"Kisten?"

"Yes?"

"Where are you now? You aren't here with me, you've gone away and left me with this damned husk of you, just this blank _thing_, _WHO ARE YOU_?" I screamed the last, pounding his chest and forcing him away. He swung away from me, striding to face the window again,

"I can hear everything, all the noises every mosquito, every bird, do you know I can hear a man talking to his wife over a mile away, they're arguing about her mother, about whether she should come to stay this weekend. I can hear everything." he turned to me, a strange, hungry look on his face, he looked me up and down, his bright blue eyes raking my body before resting again on my highly uncovered neck, "Blood." he whispered "I'm hungry Rachel, the transformation, it takes a lot out of you" I looked down, tears blurring my vision, in an instant he was before me, having flitted across the room in a pixy's heartbeat. His soft hand lifted my mouth to his and he kissed me deeply, his lips moved down across my jaw line and as he reached my neck he whispered, "just…just give me this Rachel, just give me this. Do you love me Rachel?"

"Forever" I choked out against the pain and the stutters of reluctant ecstasy that began to flow from my neck to my groin.

"Blood is love Rachel, give me this, just, just let me have you, just give me your love Rachel" he shivered with me as his teeth ever so slightly grazed my neck. I drew in a deep shuddering breath, gathering my will. I placed my hands flat on his chest ad pushed him away forcefully, he grabbed my wrists and pulled my arms up around his neck. He stepped toward me again, returning his lips to my neck "blood is love. You love me Rachel. You are mine to bleed." I sobbed against his chest. This wasn't Kisten. This was a soulless monster wearing his face, using his voice. Kisten would never demand this of me, ask maybe, but never demand. All I was to him now was a shadow, bleeding for love. I choked on my tears as I coughed out the words,

"I do love you Kisten." Tears pouring out unnoticed "this is for you Kisten, the real you, because I know you're in there" I grabbed the back of his head, pulling him down so I could press my lips against his. I kissed him deeply and passionately, but it wasn't the same, his lips were already going cold and his movements were hard and aggressive, unfamiliar to me. As I kissed him I looked deep into his eyes and still seeing nothing there, drew up my hand. Placed the point of my makeshift stake over his heart and pushed it in. Quickly and powerfully. Driving it deep. Kisten's eyes widened in shock and pain and a gasp of air he didn't need hissed across his lips. He collapsed, grasping at me as he flopped to the floor. I grabbed at him, supporting him on the way down. He went deadweight as he lost all strength and dragged me down with him. I knelt by him as his eyes flickered. His chest rising as he heaved in breaths out of habit, no longer needing them. He choked and coughed, cold blood flecking his face. Kisten roving eyes flicked to me suddenly and in their blue depths I saw Kisten. The real Kisten. I saw him recognise me and the corners of his mouth tugged up. I hacked out a sob as the light faded from his eyes just as quickly. He closed his eyes, and I could see from the sudden stillness of his body that he was dead. Truly. Completely. But his soul would be intact, having died before his first blood. I had seen it, in his eyes. Just before he died. He had recognised me. Feeling a hot flood of tears cascade down my face I slumped over his body. "Why didn't you leave with me? Why damnit?" I screamed at the lifeless image of Kisten, the slight smile still playing across his lips as if he were only sleeping, "You never even thought about me did you? _Did_ you? About what would happen if you died?" I whipped my fists into his splattered chest, falling further into tears. Hours passed before I slowly slipped into sleep next to his body.

There is only one way to save an undead vampire's soul and no way to preserve it. I knew that. Me and Ivy both knew that. But it'll never make my choice any easier or any less painful.


End file.
